I put my pen to journal and begin to write, I see an oriole outside my window and I grab my camera. I click to capture the moment and return to my writing.
With my mind and emotions wrapped up in so much lately, I finally feel my soul return to its rightful place.
The uneasiness began last week with a phone call. It was a peaceful day, we were enjoying the sunshine, the newness of spring and Bob’s cancer wasn’t in our thoughts.
My husband doesn’t let it define him and as I walk this journey beside him I won’t let it define me either.
We go on, not thinking much about it, finding joy in the simple things. Then reality breaks through and we must face it once again.
Bob’s cell phone rang while we were having lunch at a small cafe.
“The Leukemia markers have increased a little in your blood,” came the words over the phone.
“It looks like you may need another bone marrow biopsy but we’ll check again in a few months. For now, just stay on the chemo med and we’ll explore further at your next visit.”
I study Bob’s expression, watch him for a few days. He remains strong, steadfast (at least outwardly) and is hopeful that the markers will go down again, if not with the medication he’s taking now, then with another one.
My heart and prayers surround him and if there’s any way to test the oneness in marriage and to experience it at a deeper level it’s in times like this.
So together we wait, pray and wonder.
This past year has been like a roller coaster ride through the steep upward climbs and the wild racing down and then back up through the twists and turns of this crazy journey of medical tests and doctor visits.
After the latest blood test results, the what ifs, the uncertainty, fearful thoughts, the all-consuming questions race through me.
I get stuck there for a couple of days.
But today I grabbed my pen, my journal and a hot cup of coffee.
Here I sit writing my prayers, my thoughts, my dreams for me; for us.
One by one I write out the gifts that I’ve been given in life.
Not just the big ones like God, faith, family, friends, provision…those are obviously important but I’m recalling and writing down the little things today.
I’m focusing on all those small miracles that we often overlook and how in the overlooking we forfeit great joy. It’s the simple pleasures in life that surprise us with the greatest joy.
So my focus shifts from the what ifs and fearful thoughts to being present in the moment and enjoying the gifts God has for me today…a gentle breeze blowing through an open window, waking up to the orioles singing on my deck, spring flowers popping up all over my yard, the patter of rain on my rooftop, the sunshine poking through tree branches after the rain, barren branches finally sprouting leaves, the smell of coffee brewing and sugar cookies baking, the wonder in a child’s eyes, a child’s laughter, singing, praying, the sunsets… and on and on the list goes.
Gifts.
And when we give thanks for all the little pleasures surrounding us our eyes open to glimpses of God’s glory everywhere.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. Psalm 107:1
Even in the midst of this crazy, mixed up, messy, often painful world there is beauty and grace that moves us into thankfulness and being thankful produces joy.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7
We can’t give thanks and be fearful, angry or miserable at the same time. A thankful heart doesn’t have room for that.
Daily we need to find those peaceful places where our bodies, minds, souls can rest. At least I do.
I’m an introvert. I thrive and recharge by being alone.
There’s been a flurry of activity surrounding my life lately and unless I can escape into moments of solitude I’m a wreck and when I’m a wreck I can’t fully be there for my loved ones and those I deeply care about.
This introvert finds solace and peace through being alone with her thoughts, her God and her journal.
I not only find peace as my pen drips ink into words on journal pages, I’m also drawn to give thanks through savoring moments with a click of my camera.
Both are gifts.
Whether I’m recording through words or photos, I’m drawn into the presence and wonder of God and, for me, that has become an act of worship.
…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things…and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9)
Blessings to you and yours,
Nancy ❤
Pens and Journals 