relationship – Pens and Journals

Lament: The Doorway to Blessing

Published on October 28, 2021October 28, 2021 by Nancy8 Comments

Me: God, I’m angry. I need help dealing with this.

God: You’re not really angry.

Me: What? You are all knowing. You see me, know the circumstances I’m facing and you’re telling me I’m not angry?

God: You don’t have to hide your feelings from me. I want you to be vulnerable and authentic.

Me: Huh? I am being vulnerable.

God: Today you finally stopped carrying this alone and brought it to me for help.

Me: Yes, I need help with this anger.

God: So why are you angry?

Me: You know how I’ve been hurt in that relationship. There’s so much that I don’t understand and after all these years of friendship to be treated like an enemy is hurtful and makes me sad. I tried to reach out to talk but she shut the door on all communication.

God: Ah, so you’re hurt and sad? Have you read Psalm 55: 12-14?

If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God. Psalm 55: 12-14

Me: Tears flow …

God: My door is always open to you. Read Matthew 5: 3-4 and mediate on those verses for awhile.

I come before the Lord empty.

Spiritually I’m destitute. I’m not strong enough in my own strength to handle this. I need Him. I open my bible to Matthew 5: 3-4:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

There’s no room for anger, unforgiveness or pride, not even a little wiggle room.

I humble myself, I’m truthful about who I am and what I’m feeling.

Lacking what I need, I open my hands. I’m ready to receive.

This is my vulnerable place.

My mind flashes back to when I first came to Jesus years ago. I was finally truthful with Him about who I was. That was the door to salvation.

He swung open the door and welcomed me in and here in this present moment He does the same.

That vulnerability that brings me to God comes through what the Bible refers to as lament.

Lament means: “To express sorrow, regret, or unhappiness about something.” Or: “A passionate expression of grief or sorrow.”

Jesus’ first sermon goes counter culturally to what our world says we need in order to be fulfilled and lamenting seems weak.

But God shows me, in the first beatitude, that being poor in spirit brings me blessing and that His kingdom is mine.

I read it again: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”. Matthew 5:3

That’s present tense. That means right here; right now.

Honest lament and being truthful with God is the doorway into His presence and that doorway leads to His kingdom … on earth as it is in Heaven.

I share my hurt, sorrow, confusion, grief and I am transported above this painful circumstance.

I’m free to grieve. I’m free to be vulnerable. It’s ok to not be ok when I’m in His presence.

I mourn my loss. I read Matthew 5:4 again. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”.

I am comforted, at peace and spiritually full. This is what it means to be blessed.

Safe and Secure

Published on February 21, 2015February 25, 2015 by Nancy13 Comments

He sat at the round bistro table, feet dangling from his chair. His white socks stretched to his knees, legs swaying, eagerly waiting for a slice of pizza to satisfy his little appetite.

His tiny mouth puckered around the tip of a straw sipping orange soda while his big, round, dark eyes looked sideways toward his daddy. He sipped then spoke, sometimes placing his little face in front of his daddy’s eyes.

Deep in conversation they were. The little one asking questions about many topics. He had an array of queries about history, math, sports — you name it — he was covering everything and his daddy paid close attention to every detail of every sentence.

Never once did I see a smart phone sitting on their table or in the hands of the father. Not even to record the special moment with a snap of the camera. His undivided attention focused on his son. The little one with the dark spiked hair and toothless grin was of utmost importance to his daddy and the little guy was comfortable in his presence.

If he squirmed or got restless, his daddy responded with gentleness for his son to stay patient for just a little longer.

He watched his father closely and emulated him. Where his dad placed his napkin, his fork and his drink, the boy did the same.

After sinking his teeth into his first bite of pizza the little boy’s big dark eyes grew bigger. Glancing at daddy, he tapped his shoulder and said a simple, “Thank you.”

The daddy leaned toward his son, smiled and wiped a little sauce from the boy’s face. The loving affection for his son was clear and the son sat securely and comfortably in that love.

Their exchange was inspiring.

Is my relationship with my Father in Heaven that comfortable?

Jesus called God the warm; intimate child-like Aramaic word, Abba Father, a tender, endearing name (like papa or daddy would be). It’s a perfect example of the affectionate, dependent relationship He had with His Father.

And He wants that for us too.

No lofty prayer, no special words, no cleaning up is necessary before we sit in our Father’s presence. He’ll wipe our stains clean through Christ.

We can just be ourselves. We can ask questions. We can share our needs. We can say thank you for His unconditional love and for His constant encouragement to reach higher and become better.

And even when we don’t speak, He reads our hearts and responds to our deepest needs.

The good Father challenges us to let go of indifference and to reach, stretch, share and love — like He does.

The hard places discipline us under His careful watch and lead us to say yes to His yes instead of shaking our heads in defiance.

When we say yes to His yes, I bet He smiles.

When He says no to us, I hope we understand that He has only our best interest in mind.

When we ask Him for our heart’s desires, sometimes His answers come as YES, sometimes they come as NO and sometimes they come as NOT NOW — just wait.

But it’s not about the answers. Not really. It’s about Him and our relationship with Him and when we realize that’s all we really need, it becomes enough.